Originally posted on Facebook HERE
Writing a little later than usual today. My wife Laurie and I are on vacation in Arizona this week. She’s on a health kick, so we got up early and went to the gym this morning. Great start to the day — as is the scenery here. The first few days of this trip were the result of a reward I got at work last year. Last night we had a dinner together. It wasn’t a ton of people — maybe 20?… I didn’t know most of them, Laurie didn’t know any of them. I think this type of situation is where I am the most uncomfortable. It reminded me of when I first met Laurie, and her family got together a lot to celebrate holidays, birthdays, etc… and I didn’t know any of them. It brings me to the height of my insecurity. I second guess everything I say and do. My mind will give me every reason whatever I said was stupid, and why everyone else hates me. I’m kinda serious about this. From the outside, I doubt may people would ever notice it. Maybe nobody, because I do a decent enough job coming across like this wouldn’t be an issue for me. But it is. Any time I have to meet a group of people I don’t know I’m extremely uncomfortable. And last night — as well as auditioning for a nine piece band recently and starting the whole thing off by smashing a vase full of corks — not awkward at all, right? These issues tell me I still have a lot of work to do on my own feelings of self worth. I have no issues at all with self worth 90+% of the time, but we all have situations that kinda put us in that zone of insecurity, don’t we? I vow to myself to get back to meditating on a regular basis. It’s one of the things I’ve been neglecting lately, and really — I need to spend at least 10 minutes a day in contact with the universe, with God, with the source. Because within that realm is where the real power lies. There is no insecurity when you’re in touch with God. Insecurity is man made, and resides only within ourselves. We are only as worthy as we believe ourselves to be. And I still have some work to do.
