Originally posted on Facebook HERE
It seems like if we live long enough we live many lives. We live the life of a baby, a toddler, a pre-teen, a teenager, a young adult, then eventually we hit those middle aged and senior editions… to name a few. That’s, of course – if we live long enough. I think I’ve lived through all of them now, and the one constant that seems to be in there since probably around the pre-teen era (certainly was there in my teenage years), is anxiety. I can’t remember a time where I just was ok with everything and had no real worries or things I was disappointed with at all. I’m never happy with my weight. I was a really skinny kid, through most of my teenage years, but once I hit my 20s, even though I wasn’t really overweight at all, I was self conscious about it. I still am. I weigh myself every day, I have for years. I track everything – weight, amount of sleep, resting heart rate, HRV, all of it. I have four hours of workouts built into every week. I’m not even close to happy about the shape I’m in. I’m responsible for that, too. I’m in the shape I’m in because of the decisions I made and continue to make. But this is just one issue. I also have a tendency to be involved in a lot of projects as well, and my job demands a lot of my time. Music? In the summer months there are shows every weekend, but I also have all the buying/selling, YouTube videos, practice, upkeep on the gear I own, etc… it takes time. I never have even close to the time for music that I’d like to spend on it. I set a lot of time aside for health and wellness, too – massages, chiropractic care, acupuncture – all scheduled in on a biweekly or monthly basis. That takes time. Vacations, and maybe actually doing something with my wife? Takes time, and planning if we’re doing a vacation. And of course – a vacation messes with work, and all the other things I have going on – it has to work around the band schedule, and I might have to cancel and/or reschedule workouts and other appointments. When I think back to the 80s and somewhat the 90s, my life was very different. I was still using drugs and alcohol in the 80s. I was living off my income playing music for the most part. I barely made enough to pay for rent, food, drugs and alcohol. So I ran up my credit card debt. Being in debt is a great way to increase your anxiety. So is using drugs and alcohol. Remembering the stupid shit you did, feeling worthless, having no money and a negative net worth… very depressing. In the 90s, I was clean but still had debt to clean up. A constant source of anxiety. But I do remember having more time to just relax back then. In the 80s “relax” meant “get wasted”, but in the 90s I started reading, meditating nd focusing bit more on my physical and mental well being. And so – the source of anxiety seems ever changing, but it never really goes away. These days it’s just – I know I can never even come close to getting to everything I need and/or want to do, so – I do what I can, and hit it again tomorrow. But every day is like that. There is never a day when I got everything done. For the foreseeable future, there won’t be, either. So I feel this constant underlying anxiety about the amount of things I won’t be getting to. And sometimes I think back to when I was living off bands, and I did nothing but practice, book the band, send out promo kits, etc… I did it on my own time during the day, then I’d play shows on the weekends… and I think – that was pretty cool, you know? Way less responsibility. I like to think that there will come a time in the future when I step back from work and start to relax a bit. Maybe I’ll even start to sleep more than 5 hours a night? But fo now, I do what I can to get things done, stay in shape, not be too hard on myself, and realize – all the things that seemed so important throughout my life, all the things I worried about so much?… I got through them just fine. Everything always works out for me. And that is the response I give when anxiety comes calling these days. I just say “hello, my friend. Are you trying to get me worked up again? Because, you and I both know that everything always works out for me. So maybe it’s best if you step away and let me find my solutions”. Anxiety is a tool you can use to realize what’s important to you and make the changes you need to to move forward. Don’t get too caught up in it. Expect things to go your way and the solutions will come to you. Everything always works out when you see it that way. Good luck on your journey. Holidays can come with their own set of special anxieties. You’ll get through it. Find the love, today and always.
