Originally posted on Facebook HERE
I am not a father. I never wanted kids. I’ve been uncomfortable around children for most of my life. I was an only child. Then I met my wife Laurie, who really checked the box for almost every “negative” a woman could have had for me. She had three kids (uncomfortable)… two cats (I’m extremely allergic)… and at the time was still eating meat (I’ve been a vegetarian since 1988). A meat eating woman with three kids and two cats wasn’t exactly what I was looking for at the time, but life had other plans. And one thing I’ve usually been good at for most of my life is following my heart. Paying attention to my intuition. And taking a chance even when things might not look great on paper. So here we are. Married for 27 years next month. I always told people I’d have kids when you could put them away until they were teenagers because I didn’t want to deal with poopy diapers, sticky anything and a cheese sandwich in the VCR (hey — this was years ago, remember). Then I basically met someone with three built-in teenagers. I really didn’t think that one would come true. Careful what you wish for. So… this makes me a stepfather. And a few years later… Laurie came home to announce her daughter was pregnant with the first of our three grandchildren. Grandkids! What? I thought I had avoided those years… I did not. Into our lives comes our first grandchild Ben. I found something out I never would have known had it not worked out this way — I’m actually pretty good with kids. Which got me thinking about my own father, who I lost to a heart attack when I was 22 years old. Man, I wish we had more time together. Got me thinking about what it means to be a father and a grandfather. I need to be a role model, right? How do kids learn things like the importance of being honest and ethical unless they see it somewhere? About treating other people with respect? About always doing your best, even when you don’t feel like it? About the importance of keeping your mind and body sharp and fit? And gratitude… and love… and dealing with tragedy… I would love to have a few moments with my dad to just, you know — ask him how he thinks I’m doing. He wasn’t perfect, nobody is — but I never doubted his love for me. I think he’d be super proud of where we’re at in life. Especially the business I built. He was such a hard worker. Had that German work ethic. I got that from him. But he didn’t really have much to show for it after working 42 years for one company. My mom died many years later, and was on Medicaid after spending twelve years in a nursing home. I inherited nothing. He probably would have been very sad about that. But I didn’t need it, because he gave me the tools to become who I became, and the focus and drive I needed to be successful. He also gave me the predilection for alcohol as well. Neither of us was very good at drinking in moderation. But I’m grateful for that, too. Because I’m not who I am today without having gone through fifteen years of alcohol and drug addiction. No matter what happens, I appreciate just waking up sober more than anyone who hasn’t been there. I know what it’s like to think poorly of yourself, your life, your situation. And I know that thoughts create things. You become what you think about. So, today I got a fantastic gift from my stepson — a book called “Dad, I want to hear your story”. It’s a book of questions for me to answer, and it’s fantastic. Not just for him once I get done, but for me as well. It goes way back to when I was born — first memories, what music was popular, what was going on in the world, what TV shows did you watch?… etc, etc, etc.. and it brought me right back to our house on Doemel Street in Oshkosh. Watching the Packers with my dad. The Kennedy assassination. Red Skelton Show. Ed Sullivan. Topo Gigio — I loved that little mouse. I went to YouTube and found a clip. Wow, what emotions that brought up. Did not see that coming. So, today — for those of you who are fathers and grandfathers — what is the legacy you’re leaving behind? Will your kids and grandkids look back at the time they spent with you and say you made all the difference in the world to them? If so, then it’s job well done for you. You’ve totally won the game of life. Be the future you want to see. Be the person they think of when they need support. Be the best you can be, always. And they’ll see it and be it as well. Thankful today that God threw me a curveball all those years go. Hoping that when the game is over I see that I knocked it out of the park. Happy Father’s Day.
