Originally posted on Facebook HERE
Another year coming to a close. And this morning, all I can think about is how I could have done a lot better than I did. In basically everything - I could have done better. Don’t get me wrong, it was a great year, but… inside, I’m seldomly 100% pleased with myself. I can always do better. I read a bunch of books this year, I could have read more. I did a lot of yoga, I could and really feel like I should have done more. I lifted weights two days a week, I’m ok with that - but was my effort level where I’d like it to be? Not always. I started playing shows with couple bands again - was I as prepared as I like to be? Not at all. I’m a bit disappointed in my overall effort compared to what I’ve done and been in the past. Was I kind? Did I give enough? Do I feel like I exude enough gratitude for everything life has given me? I could do better. Do the people around me know how much I appreciate and love them? Does my wife? I try, but certainly a lot of room for improvement there. The ultimate goal I had when I started my business in 2006 has been achieved long ago, and now stands at about 170% of that goal - certainly I take some pride in that, but… I think I could hit 200% next year. And when I do, I’ll move the line again. I’ll never be satisfied. These posts, I’ve been doing them for over eight years now, every week. I often wonder why? It’s a part of my Sunday routine now. It helps me deal with life, I think. Having to put down what I’m feeling on that day, in that moment. And getting feedback from all of you. It helps me feel like I’m not alone. I do publish them in book form, (along with two stand alone books) - and really nobody ever reads them. The last few books sold maybe 10 copies each? So, I’m behind on them because it takes time and effort to produce, and I have no time or desire to promote them much. But I do like knowing they’re out there, anyway. They’ll live on long after I’m gone. And now, we come into a new year. New hopes and dreams. I want to do it all, and do it all well. I want to be the best husband and boss and bass player and bandmate and writer and speaker and friend I can be. I want to know, really know in a deep passionate way - the feeling of love and every single day. Every single moment, really. I wish I could stop getting angry so easily as well. But that’s the thing when you live with passion, right? It’s not just love. All the emotions hit hard. Including anger. And grief. And anxiety. And fear. So, I do what I can to live in the moment and be the best person I can be in whatever situation I find myself in. Always. I don’t know any other way to live. I’m so grateful for everything and everyone in my life, I really am. It’s a great life. Everything always works out for me. But I’m never satisfied. I’m always looking to climb the next step. And when I get to the top? I’ll set my sites on a new peak. I wish you well today. I do think if I live long enough, I’ll settle into a routine that’s a bit more relaxed. Every moment doesn’t need to be so rushed, you know? You can only feel the love if you pause and take the time to do so.
