Originally posted on Facebook HERE
This week I’ve been thinking a lot about heartache. Gizmo recently turned nine, and while I was walking him yesterday I started thinking about the inevitable day I will have to say goodbye. It breaks my heart. It led to thoughts of all my prior dogs… Cosmo. Fang and Bones. Muggy… Clyde… Snoopy… Duffy… Many of the worst days of my life have been the days I had to say goodbye to my companion animals. It’s heartbreaking. Gut wrenching. It’s sadness in a way you’ll never know unless you’ve been through it. The worst days of my life came about because of the best days of my life, though. We can’t have great heartache without great love. If I didn’t care so much, it wouldn’t hurt so much, right? It’s a weird thing when it comes to losing an animal… in many ways I think it hits harder. I was with my mom when she passed. It was peaceful. She was ready. But… when you know your pet will be leaving soon, oh my God – I remember the last walks. Looking into my friend’s eyes knowing the end was coming – it’s so, so painful. This is a pain unlike any other. Because they give us a love unlike any other. People have a hard time giving love unconditionally – animals don’t. You can totally fuck something up and have everyone in your world angry with you, but your dog will still love you. They’ll stand by you and love you through sickness, death, financial problems, breakups, and no matter what life throws at you – there they are. So, as much as I dread the day I’ll have to say goodbye to my best friend in the whole wide world, it’s the price I have to pay for admission. For admission into the world of unconditional love. Because I have a lot to learn in that regard. We all do. I am thankful for the opportunity. I saw my father cry once – the day we dropped Duffy off to be euthanized. Ugh… we dropped him off. What a cowardly thing to do. By the time Snoopy had to be put down, I was old enough to take him by myself. Dad couldn’t even go with me. Clyde pulled a cord out from an outlet behind a couch when he was a puppy and electrocuted himself. That wasn’t a good day. My father passed not long after we got Muggsy. He loved dogs. I was on the road playing with rock bands at the time, and after heading back from the road Muggsy was gone. Mom said she had him put down as he was despondent once my father died. Horrible days. Top ten worst days of my life for sure. But – I was there for Fang and Bones and Cosmo. I will never again abandon my friend at the end. Cosmo died in our arms at home. We didn’t put him down. And for now, we have Gizmo – the latest in a line of “the best dogs ever”. He is our soulmate, our friend, our teacher. He’s incredible. I absolutely love him. And no matter what problems I have, I know he I’ll be there for me. Unconditional love is a great thing. We need more of it in this world. When it comes to our pets, there will be heartache ahead. In the end I have to believe it’s worth it. Because our deepest heartaches are born from our strongest loves. Don’t let loss close your heart. Stay open and loving. When we lost Cosmo we took a break to grieve. I think it allowed Cosmo to guide us to Gizmo somehow. When the humans are ready, the pets will appear. And what a gift that is.
