Originally posted on Facebook HERE
Today is the 105th version of the “Looking Out My Back Window” blog posts. Beginning of my third year. So I’m in the process of getting the second collection of posts ready to release in book form. In reading through the old blogs, I can see that much of what I talk about when I write has to do with being restless. It got me thinking a bit about the term “restless heart” today. I even googled it – apparently there’s a country band that goes by that name since the first thousand or so posts were about them, but once I filtered that out I found a few good things to read on the subject. I’m not so sure it’s always the heart that’s restless, though – as much as it is a general feeling of restlessness. Like, always seeking, wanting, desiring something externally and in so doing suffering internally. You can never just be satisfied if nothing is ever good enough. I love having nothing to do. I love it when I have no schedule to follow, a day off with no agenda, or time to meditate, read and journal without feeling rushed. How often do I get that? Almost never. I tend to fill my available moments with tasks. Even Sundays have a task right out of the gate every week – write the blog. Post the blog. Weekly newsletter usually follows on Mondays, which is also back to work. In the past 13 years I’ve worked the vast majority of Saturdays as well. And evenings during the week. This year I’ll publish four books and release a double CD with my old band the Twistin’ Egyptians. And play a few shows on drums. It’s no wonder I’m restless. My life is set up that way – so much going on my mind is always racing to make sure nothing falls through the cracks. No matter what I do, I’m super self critical as well, so whatever the achievement, inside I almost always think “I could do better” or “not good enough”. I know as well as anyone this is not a recipe for peace. I’ve been reading a lot about simplification and minimalizing lately. Ive even been able to start a few projects and I do feel this is part of the answer. I have stuff everywhere. When you have stuff everywhere, your closets, drawers, basements & attics start to overflow. It’s too much for them to handle. Same thing with our minds. I put a lot of pressure on myself to achieve, to succeed, to be the best at everything I do. I take on everything that sounds interesting. I have an inner confidence that I can handle, do or be everything to everyone. But really, all I want is peace. And I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive, either. It is possible to be busy, and be peaceful. I have yet to find that balance in my life, so I continue to work on it. I’d get restless if I didn’t have anything to do, too. To me, this seems more like an issue of calming the fast mind, staying busy, but centered with God. A restless mind can overlook the importance of a spiritual heart.
