Originally posted on Facebook HERE

I’m tired, I’m sore, and I’m questioning everything today.

Must be Sunday 🙂

The years I have left are now much shorter than the years I have lived. Aging is frustrating. All those things that were so easy to do for the bulk of your life aren’t so easy to do anymore. You look in the mirror and see a face and a body that doesn’t always match the person you feel like on the inside. Because on the inside, we don’t really have to age. We are as young as we feel.. but the packaging that holds us will wither and die. No matter how much we try to fight it, time isn’t our side.

I haven’t really been able to do my normal workout routines for about two months now. No weight lifting, running or yoga. Up until the time when my leg started to hurt I did at least four hours of workouts every week, it was built into my schedule. But now — having finally gotten a diagnosis of not one, but two meniscus tears and an MCL strain…. I have to see a specialist to determine a plan of action that could require a bit of surgery…. Ugh.

From four hours of workouts a week to zero. The leg pain creates sleep issues, too — I got about 3.5 hours last night. 4–5 hours has been normal lately, and it’s extremely restless usually as well. Laying down is the worst for pain in that leg.

These are the types of things that start to happen as we age. Bruises just show up sometimes. How did you get them? Who knows? Our eyesight gets worse, our hearing gets worse, our ability to do anything physical at all goes downhill. It’s crazy to think that an NFL player who hits 40 is unusual. The average length of an NFL career is 3.3 years. Often a player who was great coming out of college is done before the even hit 30, much less 40. These are some of the most physically gifted people on the planet, and the decline in their ability is such that most are out of the league before the age of 30, much less 40… 50… 60… or 70…

I’d rather have the ability to write about aging than the alternative, though. Things change inside as the time we have left dwindles, too. You start thinking weird things like “we better do this before we won’t be physically able to do it”. And time speeds up the less of it you have left as well. Minutes feel like seconds. Years blow by. And, for me anyway — I think more and more about things like:

How did I get here? Is this where I want to be? Am I being the best version of myself? Are there changes I could make to make life better going forward — for myself? For someone else? Am I kind enough? Do I truly exude love and passion in every moment? …

And we can really be brutal when we look within. My inner critic is never satisfied, and has kept a laundry list of every horrible thing I’ve ever done to pull out at any moment I start to get too comfortable with myself. To make me feel like I could have done much, much better in the past….

We can’t stop the packaging from aging, but we can see the changes with a mindset that looks at every setback as an opportunity. If I get through this knee thing and can walk again without pain — I will never take walking without pain for granted again. Or sleeping without pain, either. And if and when I can get back to running, lifting weights and doing yoga? I’ll have a much greater appreciation for that as well. Similar to waking up sober ever day — I know the value of that maybe more so than anyone who never struggled with alcohol and drug addiction. There are benefits hidden in every setback if we look for them.

The person I was in the past created the person I am now. And I have a lot of knowledge now I didn’t have back then. I do the best I can with what I have. The people we will be five years from now are determined by the decisions we make today… By the attitudes we have today… by the love and passion we put into every moment we’re given…

Because really, that’s the point, isn’t it?

To live a life full of love and passion. To help each other along the way as much as possible. To live with a grateful and forgiving heart — and to maybe turn some of the forgiveness inside and forgive ourselves for all the dumb shit we did in the past. We are no longer that person. The person who did those things has helped us become better people today.

Every day is a gift. Every moment is important. All lives matter. We’re in it together. Let’s do what we can to love ourselves and everyone in our lives the best we can for as long as we can. Even if aging hurts. Our day will come. In the meantime, we can only strive to be the best versions of ourselves in the moments we’re given, and we get so few. Use them wisely.