Looking Out My Back Window #197

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Originally posted on Facebook HERE

It’s beautiful out today, and life is great here. People who know me now might think this is just the lot I was given in life. Everything always goes right, a great job, a fantastic house, we don’t want for much here. But there were some very dark days in my life. There were times when no matter how beautiful the day was, I didn’t want to face it. I’d stay in bed all day with the shades drawn and my phone off the hook and think about what a complete disaster I was, how everyone hated me and maybe it wasn’t worth going on at all anymore. Many days like that preceded today. Alcohol and drugs certainly played a large part in that, but the bottom line was – what did I think about? Where was my focus? How did I see myself? Even once I quit using over 32 years ago… the thoughts were the same. Putting the cork in the bottle doesn’t change your view of who you are and what you’re capable of overnight. That’s why recovery lasts a lifetime. The person who questioned whether they even wanted to live at all is still within me somewhere. It’s just no longer the main focus of my thoughts on who I am or how I will live my life. Maybe it’s just a drink away, too. For me anyway. I don’t think I’ll ever go there, though. I’ve taken my obsessions in a better direction these days. Earl Nightingale said “You become what you think about”. When I thought I was worthless, my life reflected that. It’s a long, slow process to change that mindset, though. And frustrating because it’s not a straight line, either. You’ll slip once in a while, maybe a lot at first, into old habits and patterns. But no matter where I’m at, I’m always working on getting better. I can look back now and really wonder how I let myself get so low. But I also see a lot of room for improvement, even today. I can dream bigger dreams, I can help more people, I can make a significant positive impact on the world but I need to believe it before I’ll see it. And it’s a slow process. But look how far I’ve come. We change our lives the instant we see and believe a new life for ourselves, then do the work to make it happen. I wish you all beautiful, happy days inside your mental house no matter what the weather is like outside. You’ll see it when you believe it.

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