Looking Out My Back Window #333

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Originally posted on Facebook HERE

Posting the Sunday “Looking Out My Back Window” post a little later than usual again today. Snowing outside. Took the dog for a walk, quite beautiful. Peaceful. Not really very cold, either – 34° without much wind at all. I love moments in time like that. Nobody but Gizmo and I will ever know what that walk was like. Everyone’s lives are full of moments like that. Nobody will ever see, or hear, or do life that way you will. Billions of people on the planet – all for a relatively short period of time… billions of lives. Billions before us, and billions yet to come – and every one unique. And this week I’ve been thinking I spend altogether too much time beating myself up over things I could have said, or done, or handled better. My day job is hectic, and sometimes the pace can be overwhelming. We all experience times like that in our lives as well – when we have eight hours of things to do and two hours to do it. It can create some tension, stress and anxiety. And when you’re in the middle of it, the last thing you want is an interruption. So – “Murphy’s Law of Anxiety” says – you will be interrupted. How will you handle it? I admittedly don’t always handle it well. It’s one of the reasons I meditate, do yoga, try to stay as physically fit as possible, etc… to be prepared to stay calm in the face of the storm. But, in that moment – ugh. I can really not be at my best sometimes. Then, no matter what else happened that day – 99 things went well, and one thing I could have handled better… the one will stick in my memory and get replayed over and over. And those little things can add up if you let them, and affect your whole self image. I’ve learned the value of honesty from events like this. Honesty first with myself – because nobody is ever 100% in anything they do. We will make mistakes. We will say or do things we wish we didn’t. It in no way means were a bad person at all, although it can lead to some self doubt for sure. So, I try to cut myself the slack I’d cut someone else in the same situation. And then – whenever possible, I try to make it right. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve called someone just to tell them I didn’t like the way I ended the last conversation, and to apologize and smooth things over. Sometimes the other person wasn’t even aware, or didn’t see it at all the way I did. Sometimes it can really help, too – everyone knows what it’s like to say or do something spur of the moment that you regret. Most people will be forgiving if you own up to it. And sometimes, it’ll just be an awkward conversation and you’ll end up more confused than if you hadn’t called at all. And that’s life, right? Moments in time. The AA program teaches us to “be willing to make amends”. Why is that a step?… because if we live life with all the wrongs we’ve done to others in our head, even if they are just our own perception of what happened, we pull ourselves down. Life is about lifting people up. And lifting people up is hard to do when you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. We’ve all heard the expression “be kind, always”. But we’re not capable of it all day long, every day. Someone, something, will push your buttons. We will have regrets. We can learn from them, make amends whenever possible and move forward, or we can beat ourselves up over and over… I try to spend time every day in touch with God, with love, with gratitude and forgiveness. Sometimes that forgiveness needs to be turned inward before I can move forward. I wish you all great moments today, and always. And remember, if you’re holding a grudge because of something someone else said or did, maybe look at letting that go, too? It’s hard to be happy when we’re holding onto grudges and replaying the negative events of our past… especially the ones we see ourselves as responsible for…